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Confession #4
I'm tired of always being needed, yet I'd miss it if I weren't.
Life is crazy and then I'm constantly ill.
There is no reprieve for me. Ever.
I'm perpetually on the clock.
There is no down time to catch my breath.
When I try to enjoy a break, I'm piled with guilt -
sometimes self-guilt, sometimes guilt by others.
It always happens that when I'm so sick I can't function, as in laid up, somebody chooses then to fuss at me for being a less than stellar homemaker. They're probably right, but their timing really stinks. It's rather disheartening.
A strange thing has happened that has everyone a little thrown off, I think. God has used my illness to push me to take time to write. I've produced my first novel and am working on a second. I think maybe they don't realize that my writing career was born out of my illness. I write to keep from going crazy. If all I did was twiddle my thumbs when I'm not well enough to cook and clean and do laundry, I'd go nuts! I started writing to give my mind safe, active exercise. And now, God is using that writing to bless others. Do I need to balance my life? Absolutely! Is it easy? Sigh.... It's overwhelming. It's become one more thing in my life to balance, because now I can't just write at my own whim or when I have the time. Now, I have to add it to my priorities.
Honestly, I'm tired. So very tired. I feel like I'm swimming up a mountainside. Seriously! But God has put this in my life and I have to figure out how this puzzle piece fits into the scheme.
I have a friend who would pamper me if she lived close and I'd be happy to let her, but she's several states away so I'm on my own. How do you deal with the priorities in your life? What do you do when you're overwhelmed?
1 comment:
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