Confession Three of a Chronically Ill Mother

Life's Vital & Important Things in Life

Confession #3

I've been told, "Mothers can't afford to get sick. They don't have time to be sick. Everyone depends on them." 

Yet, I live in constant illness

It's exhausting.

It's frustrating.

It's humiliating. 

My illness forces me to prioritize by discerning the vital things from the very important things from the still important things. My life is like this pile of paperclips. The vital things are the white clips. The very important are the pink clips. The lesser but still important things are the blue clips. All the other colors are things that are good and important and even vital by most people's standards, but things I have to push aside because I don't have the necessary energy or physical capability to do it all. On top of that, the colors change from day to day so I have to weed through this very tangled to-do pile to figure out which things are white, which are pink, which are blue... and there's never a guarantee I'll be able to do more than the white things. When you have a husband and four boys, your priorities are in constant flux. There are too many days when my priorities look more like one big colorful blur and I don't always make the right decisions. 

I strive to depend on God for grace, do my best, and trust God with it all. It's the only way I stay sane. 

What do I do when people say things like "mom's don't have time to be sick"? Honestly? My heart bleeds. I feel, soul deep, every loss my illness costs me and my family. Losses we experience on a daily basis. Yet I'm reminded once again to look to Jesus for comfort and strength. Isn't that what he wants? Doesn't God want all of us to look to him for our comfort and strength and grace no matter what we face in life?